Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Core Wants and how We Try to Fulfill Them

What do people want more than anything? Acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive. These are the fundamental, foundational results we strive for. Anything else is merely a symbol for what we believe will get us these things.

As human primates, we live a hierarchical, inclusive/exclusive, quid-pro-quo existence, in a world that constantly changing and neutral, and which only has the meaning we individually project on it.

We give this to get that. Quid-Pro-Quo.

We randomly learn about giving, in the hope or expectation of getting--behaviors, communication, and our understanding of them from others--so our giving and getting are, more or less effective. This begins with the presence and flexibility of, or the absence of, behavioral repertoires.

Ultimately, the results we strive to get are designed to serve our need to be perceived as worthy, in order to receive acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, and satisfaction, leading to security and survival.

The perception we seek from others is an internally manufactured image (or images) of self (selves), in ourselves, which is (are) illusionary, and conditioned into us in a context, over time. Because these made-up images appear in our individual “other conscious” mind, normally we are unaware they’re in us, running the show. They have a determinative impact on how we act-out learned self-concept. They produce our attitudes, our individual set of positive and negative feelings, and toward/away-from behavior: because we think they are evidence for who we are. One way or another, this produces results. There are always results, even if it is inaction.

Our guiding self-images, good or bad, are nothing more than the made-up references we’ve accepted as real, without question, learned from parents and other significant adults, as they’ve commented again and again on every aspect of our being--behavior, feelings, communication, results, physical presence. Rarely are we introduced to the fact that their comments (reactions) were not really about you; but their idea of you, filtered through their limitations, prejudices, beliefs, shoulds and motives.

But then, if you want to believe they’re not, that’s O.K., too. It’s not what’s real, but what’s effective in producing the results we want that really matters.

There are a few beliefs that are important to have in approaching the iMapping process and experience, and choosing a better you.

First, all the negative stuff in your life--relationships, money, career, whatever it is--want the things we mentioned at the beginning of this piece: acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive.

Typically people are at war with themselves, and are clueless about how to make their experience of their lives any different. The iMap process teaches you specific skills, to use in recognizing and transforming the dissonant parts of your sense of self, for the purpose of achieving your deepest dreams.

Steven Covey pointed out that the most effective people begin with the end in mind. They take time to decide how it will be when they have the change they want. And there are steps to take in insuring that you have a legitimate outcome.

Second, our feelings are the most important signal system from the deepest parts of us, about the meaning of life. They signal the status in our body/mind of its perception of the world, and whether it matches our deepest beliefs, wants and desires. If there is a match, we feel confirming emotions. If they mismatch, we feel what typically are called “negative” emotions.

Whether we understand the meaning of the signal or not, the deepest self of us signaling us about something that is important to our well-being. And what does it want? Acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive.

There is a simple technique to use, once you are aware, in communicating acknowledgment, affirmation, and inclusion. There is no one better suited in the whole world to give this to you in a deeply satisfying way: you.

You can have what you want. Usually want we want is outside evidence--well directed good intentions, car, house, wife, money . . . They are, often, only symbolic of of our worth of receive acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction (passion, awe, contentment), security, and to survive.

And maybe it’s just to massage that essential element of self-worth, sensuality--the taste of a fine red wine, observing how your world changes at splendid sunsets, the sense of awe looking at the night sky, driving a fast, racy car, whatever indulges your senses. The core part of you is your survival imperative, and it’s senses are at your service. It’s purpose is to satisfy the universe’s awareness of, and love of existence, in you, as you.

iMapping is about monitoring and upgrading your inner operating system.

First draft 2008.0722


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