Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Core Wants and how We Try to Fulfill Them

What do people want more than anything? Acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive. These are the fundamental, foundational results we strive for. Anything else is merely a symbol for what we believe will get us these things.

As human primates, we live a hierarchical, inclusive/exclusive, quid-pro-quo existence, in a world that constantly changing and neutral, and which only has the meaning we individually project on it.

We give this to get that. Quid-Pro-Quo.

We randomly learn about giving, in the hope or expectation of getting--behaviors, communication, and our understanding of them from others--so our giving and getting are, more or less effective. This begins with the presence and flexibility of, or the absence of, behavioral repertoires.

Ultimately, the results we strive to get are designed to serve our need to be perceived as worthy, in order to receive acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, and satisfaction, leading to security and survival.

The perception we seek from others is an internally manufactured image (or images) of self (selves), in ourselves, which is (are) illusionary, and conditioned into us in a context, over time. Because these made-up images appear in our individual “other conscious” mind, normally we are unaware they’re in us, running the show. They have a determinative impact on how we act-out learned self-concept. They produce our attitudes, our individual set of positive and negative feelings, and toward/away-from behavior: because we think they are evidence for who we are. One way or another, this produces results. There are always results, even if it is inaction.

Our guiding self-images, good or bad, are nothing more than the made-up references we’ve accepted as real, without question, learned from parents and other significant adults, as they’ve commented again and again on every aspect of our being--behavior, feelings, communication, results, physical presence. Rarely are we introduced to the fact that their comments (reactions) were not really about you; but their idea of you, filtered through their limitations, prejudices, beliefs, shoulds and motives.

But then, if you want to believe they’re not, that’s O.K., too. It’s not what’s real, but what’s effective in producing the results we want that really matters.

There are a few beliefs that are important to have in approaching the iMapping process and experience, and choosing a better you.

First, all the negative stuff in your life--relationships, money, career, whatever it is--want the things we mentioned at the beginning of this piece: acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive.

Typically people are at war with themselves, and are clueless about how to make their experience of their lives any different. The iMap process teaches you specific skills, to use in recognizing and transforming the dissonant parts of your sense of self, for the purpose of achieving your deepest dreams.

Steven Covey pointed out that the most effective people begin with the end in mind. They take time to decide how it will be when they have the change they want. And there are steps to take in insuring that you have a legitimate outcome.

Second, our feelings are the most important signal system from the deepest parts of us, about the meaning of life. They signal the status in our body/mind of its perception of the world, and whether it matches our deepest beliefs, wants and desires. If there is a match, we feel confirming emotions. If they mismatch, we feel what typically are called “negative” emotions.

Whether we understand the meaning of the signal or not, the deepest self of us signaling us about something that is important to our well-being. And what does it want? Acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction, security, and to survive.

There is a simple technique to use, once you are aware, in communicating acknowledgment, affirmation, and inclusion. There is no one better suited in the whole world to give this to you in a deeply satisfying way: you.

You can have what you want. Usually want we want is outside evidence--well directed good intentions, car, house, wife, money . . . They are, often, only symbolic of of our worth of receive acknowledgment, affirmation, inclusion, satisfaction (passion, awe, contentment), security, and to survive.

And maybe it’s just to massage that essential element of self-worth, sensuality--the taste of a fine red wine, observing how your world changes at splendid sunsets, the sense of awe looking at the night sky, driving a fast, racy car, whatever indulges your senses. The core part of you is your survival imperative, and it’s senses are at your service. It’s purpose is to satisfy the universe’s awareness of, and love of existence, in you, as you.

iMapping is about monitoring and upgrading your inner operating system.

First draft 2008.0722

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Seven Key Presuppositions about Your Life

01. You always manifest what is most important to you.

Look around you--your environment, what you have, where you live, who you are with, what you are doing. If this isn’t consciously what you want, then what is, and what is it your unconscious self wants that produces the results you are getting?

Is your short term want getting in the way of your long term satisfaction?

02. You always live your life fully.

You can’t not be living fully each moment. Are you satisfied with what you are living fully with? It it enough? Is it too much? How do you want to live your life fully, differently?

03. Your present unwanted behavior is a manifestation of your greatest power.

It’s power is demonstrated by the fact that you can’t seem to change it.
That’s powerful determination. What are you so powerfully committed to, unconsciously? What is it really trying to do for you?

04. You always are your authentic self.

Even if you consciously don’t like what you’re manifesting.

05. The measure of dissatisfaction you feel about any aspect of your life is a direct result of the degree of your self-deception.

If it were otherwise, you wouldn’t be dissatisfied for very long. How you live your life is a reflection of some very important realities for you. What are they?

06. You already are who you say you want to be.

It’s only a matter of discovering how this is true for you.

07. Everything in your life—what you say, think, feel, do and have—is a manifestation of your core, subconscious love of existence.

You are in conflict with, and disrespectful of yourself. It’s such a common occurrence, you don’t even consciously recognize how you are sabotaging yourself. You do it every time you are critical about some aspect of your being--behavior, thoughts, feelings, results. Most of your being is paying attention, even though you don’t recognize it.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Concept of Self

Everything flows from our central concept of self. There are two elements that can be modeled, which are central of the experience of self: personal attributes, and roles.

The roles we play are outcome-driven.

Atributes are personally meaningful words, which evoke self-images.

Self-images "run the show." We give them verbal meaning, emotionally respond to them, and engage behavioral repertoires, which produce results and consequences, which evoke self-images.

In the same way that each person uses idiosyncratic sets of verbal, emotional and behavioral repertoires, we also have repertoires of self-images and roles.

Self-images as nominalizations can be a resource or a roadblock.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Beta Seminar

I conducted several beta seminars to test and model the material on self-concept, self-worth, self-image, self-esteem and roles. Some participants got phenomenal changes within the first 10 minutes of the start of the class. The material can create a personal paradigm shift in self-concept.
Originally uploaded by David Lintner.

Originally uploaded by David Lintner.